5 Tips To Turn Valentine’s Day Into Self Love Day

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Do you hate Valentine’s Day? I spent most of my 20s dreading this holiday. And over the years, I have developed methods to not only survive it, but to even look forward to this time of year.

What changed? I started dedicating February 14th to self-love instead of romantic love. Because if there is a day to celebrate romantic love, there should DEFINITELY be a day where we cultivate the love we have for ourselves.

Whether you’re single and fabulous, in a committed relationship, ghosted, or confused about the romantic situation you’ve found yourself in, here are some ideas to help you survive this holiday.

Take Care of Your Heart – Literally

Show your heart some love by giving it a gift it truly needs – some good ole’ cardio! Not only will you be doing your heart a real favor, you’ll be helping your brain out too by generating some feel good endorphins. A good cardio workout is one of the best ways to take care of yourself, and literally changes how you feel. An upbeat, positive playlist while you’re working out can be even more helpful! Which brings me to….

Create a Self-Love Playlist

Music is magic. It has the ability to completely shift a person’s mood. When you’re down, it can lift you up. It can energize, inspire, and validate. Music is a powerful form of self-expression, and brings clarity and healing when words don’t suffice.

This year, start your Valentine’s Day off right by listening to music that makes you feel good. Or, listen to music that makes you cry. Curate your own self-love playlist, and listen to it first thing in the morning. Here is a link to mine.

Pro tip: Take one of your favorite love songs, and direct the lyrics to yourself. The results are astounding! Because over time, those loving messages you tell yourself will become a part of who you are.

Be Your Own Cupid

If you hate Valentine’s Day, become your own cupid and shoot strangers an arrow full of your loving energy! This is a super fun exercise that sounds kind of strange at first but will spice up your commute and your day.

Take some time, when you’re around other people, to silently zap them with loving energy. Here’s how:

  • Pick out a stranger in your vicinity. Focus on him/her/them for a moment.
  • Recognize the fact that this person started as a group of cells, and magically became the living human being they are today. This person has their own story. A lifetime full of trials and tribulations. And very likely, they are fighting their own internal battles too. They could probably use some love and kindness.
  • Imagine generating a bolt of electricity coming from your heart, full of love and good intentions, and send it his/her/their way.

I tried this out the other day, and it looked like this:

That rabbi on the train scrolling through his phone? Zap! You’ve just been sent a bolt of loving energy from me.

The woman with the red lipstick, reading her novel? Zap! I just sent you loving energy too.

The teens who just announced “IT’S SHOWTIME!!” Zap! Zap! Zap! As you were swinging from the subway poles, you were being love-zapped. And you didn’t even know it. You’re welcome. 

I couldn’t help but smile while doing this. When we direct loving energy towards others, it actually creates more feelings of love and happiness within us. We are reminded of the connectedness between all beings, and our own problems start to loosen their grip on our lives.

Write a Self-Love Letter

No boo to celebrate the day with? Your partner forgot to get you a gift? No problem! You can buy yourself your own Valentine’s Day card and write a loving message to yourself.

The act of writing words of loving kindness down on paper can be transformative. It has a different effect than repeating these words in your mind, or saying affirmations out loud.

Start by thinking about characteristics you like about yourself. You can write about some of the hardships you’ve gone through, and where you are on your own journey right now. This is a time to focus on your strengths and the things you appreciate about yourself.

Once you’re done writing, read it out loud, to yourself, in front of a mirror. Or, if you want to take this exercise a step further, mail it first! There is something very moving about receiving a love note in the mail, especially when it’s from you.

Pro tip: Valentine’s day cards will be on sale in a few short days. After the holiday, buy a few, and save them for when you need an extra boost of love and compassion from yourself.

Let Your Feelings Flow

If none of these interventions work and you’re just not feeling yourself today, let it be. Allow yourself to experience your emotions as they are, without judgment. Talk to a friend, watch a sappy movie, have a good cry. Download my Feelings 101 Guide to help you get through the day.

Letting your feelings flow through you is one of the most powerful acts of self-love.

The important thing to remember is to meet your pain/sadness with self-compassion, and kindness. There is no shame in being who you are in this moment. Here are a few mantras to keep in the back of your mind if you still hate Valentine’s Day, and it is not sparking joy.

“Whatever I feel is okay. I am trying to give myself the compassion I need.”
“What I am experiencing is uncomfortable, but I will get through it.”
“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. This moment will not last forever.”

Valentine’s Day is just another day. If it can be celebrated in a way that brings joy, positivity, and love to your life, then GREAT! 

And, if February 14th is a day you are not looking forward to, just remember, February 15th is only a day away. 😉


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Hi! I'm Paige

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I’m a Licensed Psychotherapist based in NYC. 

I write about mental wellbeing, personal growth, and the never-ending journey towards self-fulfillment. Sign up below to get notified when I post a new article.

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