It can be really hard to watch someone else’s dreams come true, when you feel like you’ve been waiting forever for your turn.

If you’re feeling left behind while all of your friends are off getting married, having kids or being promoted, it is likely that on one hand, you’re happy for your friends! But on the other, you feel sorry for yourself.

And look, I get it. When you see your friends getting things in life that you also want, it can make you feel really guilty for all the mixed feelings you have – joy, jealousy, irritation and worry, all at once.

Know there is nothing wrong with you if this is the case. You’re human! You’re complex! Not every part of life is wrapped up and handed to you in a pretty bow.

This may be a harder season for you. And if it is, there are ways you can get through it.

The reality is, a real social phenomenon exists that causes us to compare ourselves to others. And triggers you to feel inadequate when you aren’t on a similar timeline as everyone else in your life.

And this social phenomenon is called The Social Clock.

What Is The Social Clock?

The social clock is a false timeline you impose upon yourself. You receive subliminal messages that tell you where you should be in your life. These messages are influenced by what what society deems as “normal.”

So, when thoughts pop up in your head, like you “should be married by 30.” Or you “should have kids by 32.” Or you “should own a house,” check in with yourself. Notice if these thoughts are coming from deep inside you, and what you want. Or if the social clock is taking over your thought process.

Back in my 20s, the social clock was ticking very loudly in the forefront of my mind. It was not great for my anxiety or my self-esteem, to say the least.

I was the one who was still single while all of my friends were getting engaged. And I was the one who changed career paths when everyone else was getting promotions and earning a lot of money.

Whether I wanted those things or not didn’t matter – everyone else seemed to have them by a certain time, which made me worry that I should too. And because I was so far from it, I felt isolated, and like something was wrong with me.

The narrative that took over my brain was

“I’m being left behind.”

But looking back, the more truthful narrative was

“I’m carving my own path.” 

I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but now I’m grateful for that nagging social clock! Because it forced me to examine my feelings about where I was in my life, and what I truly want.

You too, can learn to acknowledge and accept your feelings about this limbo phase you’re in. And once you do, you can then free up some energy to do something about those feelings.

You might start to admit that maybe the expectations you have for your life weren’t really your expectations, but someone else’s.

If you can quiet the outside noise, it will help you to better hear the sound of your own voice.

Over time, you can strip away those mistaken beliefs about the way your life should be, and get in better touch with what it is that you want. 

And there is no better feeling in this world than when your life aligns with who you are.

And if you feel pressure to accomplish certain goals by a certain time, I encourage you to explore where that pressure is coming from and why.

A great way to start is by journaling. You can check out this post, download my free journaling guide, or reflect on these questions:

• What comes up for me when I think about other people who have accomplished things I haven’t?
• Why is it important for me to accomplish this by this time?
• What would it mean if I accomplished this? What would it mean if I didn’t?
• How do I feel when I think about having or not having accomplished this thing by a certain time?

And lastly, I’m leaving you with one of my favorite quotes by Carl Jung.

“I am what I choose to become.”

So much of my growth in this area came from talking with my therapist. If this is something that you struggle with, and happen to live in New York, please don’t hesitate to reach out about starting therapy together.