When a soulmate pet dies, you don’t just go through “grief.” It’s a heartbreak that disrupts your daily routine, your sense of comfort, and your identity.
You know grief takes time, but nothing prepares you for the emptiness that follows this kind of loss. It’s not just missing your pet. It’s missing your home.
You may be asking yourself,
“How am I supposed to fall asleep, let alone get through the day, without my pet by my side?”
“Is it normal for me to miss them this much?”
“Why is this feeling so horrible?”
“My pet was one-of-a-kind – will I ever find love like this again?”
“How am I supposed to grieve when I feel like I’ve lost a part of my soul?”
I understand these feelings completely, because I recently lost my own pet-best-friend and soul-creature, Squiggles. And have been trying my best to figure out how to cope while grieving my beloved pet.
My Bond With Squiggles
I had Squiggles since the day she was born, after my other cat Flopsy gave birth to her. I was right there in the room, and watched as she entered the world!
For almost 22 years, Squiggles was the light of my life. My anchor. My greatest source of comfort and joy.
As she aged, her increasingly expensive vet bills motivated me to work hard and start my therapy private practice. Because I wanted to make sure I could afford her medical care and keep her alive as long as possible.
But as you know, all the money in the world can’t change the fact that your pet’s body will not be able to keep up with its soul forever. And that one day, you’re going to have to say goodbye.
And if you’re here, then you know that saying goodbye to a pet is absolutely devastating, and nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming emotions that come with this kind of loss.
My Experience With Pet Loss
For the past year, I’ve been grieving the tremendous loss of Squiggles.
The therapist in me has applied different concepts and tools to the grief process. I’ve tried to pay attention to what works and what doesn’t.
But the human in me has wanted to reject it all – to avoid the pain, distract myself, and bury any intense emotions so they can’t bubble to the surface and completely overwhelm me. It turns out, this is very normal while grieving.
If I’ve learned anything about pet grief, it’s that there is no right or wrong way to do it. And although understanding the stages of grief can help you know what to expect while grieving, it isn’t going to take the pain away.
If you’re here, you probably want something – anything – to help cure your emptiness so you can get through this impossible life event, of losing your pet-best-friend.
So I am going to try my best to share some of my personal journey after losing Squiggles. Things that you can do if you have lost a pet that means the world to you. They won’t take the pain away, or speed up the process. But I hope they can help make your grief journey a little more manageable.
Or at least help you feel less alone as you traverse it.
10 Ways I Coped After Losing My Beloved Soulmate Pet
First, I want to acknowledge that grief is both universal, yet incredibly unique to each individual. Your experience will likely look different from mine. And if there are people in your life also grieving your pet, the way they process their grief won’t be the same as you.
Take what you need, and leave anything that doesn’t resonate.
1. Remembered that my pain was valid.
I knew for a long time that losing Squiggles would be one of the hardest experiences I would ever have to go through. That didn’t make preparing for her loss any easier. But what it did do, is VALIDATE how distraught I felt after I had to say goodbye.
I gave myself permission to grieve as hard as I needed to. Even when society or other people didn’t quite get it.
When grieving a pet, you are experiencing a unique kind of grief, called disenfranchised grief. What this means is, others don’t see it as “serious” a loss as other losses.
This is FALSE! Many people have told me that when their pet died, it hurt more than when humans in their life had died.
When you try to cover up how you truly feel, it can create another level of suffering on top of the sadness you’re experiencing. Because not only will you be devastated, you might feel like something is wrong with you for feeling that way.
Trust me when I say, the pain and loss you feel after losing your pet is significant. There is nothing wrong with you.
A pet is not just an animal – it is a family member, and oftentimes, a part of your soul. The hole you feel in your heart from losing them is appropriate and valid. You can give yourself time to heal.
2. Gave myself permission to feel my grief.
I’m a therapist – which means I’m in the business of emotions. I have gotten very skilled at allowing myself to feel. I don’t always love it, I don’t always want to do it, but I have become better at it over the years.
So when Squiggles died, I put all of that wisdom and practice to use. I let myself feel the grief.
Have you ever heard the saying, “the only way out is through?”
When it comes to pet loss, that means allowing yourself to be sad. To miss them deeply. To grieve the bond that meant the world to you.
But how do you actually do that—especially when you’re overwhelmed, raw, or numb?
That’s exactly why I created The Furever Forest. It’s a private grief support community specifically for bereaved pet parents—with no “one size fits all” approach.
Inside, you’ll find support for feeling your emotions in your own way—whether that’s:
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Attending a live session
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Exploring creative outlets like writing or art
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Joining our support chat to connect with others who truly understand
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Quietly reading through resources and reflections, at your own pace
If you’re not ready to join yet, download my free Feelings Guide to help you acknowledge, process, and express your emotions as you grieve. You might be afraid that if you start crying, you’ll never stop. Or that letting yourself “go there” will hurt too much.
But here’s the truth: crying is a release. Your body is literally flushing out stress hormones through your tears. It will bring relief—maybe not all at once, but enough to breathe again.
And if you need a soft place to land while you move through it, I hope you’ll join us in The Furever Forest.
3. I gave myself permission to distract myself from my grief.
In the first few weeks and months after losing Squiggles, this felt impossible. I couldn’t imagine laughing again, enjoying something, or even just forgetting—for a moment—how heavy everything felt.
But as time moved on, I gave myself permission to step back from the pain when I needed to.
- I let myself laugh with friends.
- I let myself get lost in gardening, in practicing guitar for hours, in the kind of deep focus that brings a little peace.
- I allowed myself to be present—not as a way to erase the grief, but to give my heart a moment to breathe.
Through my work in pet grief support, I’ve learned something surprising:
For many people, this part—giving yourself permission to still live—is even harder than the grief itself.
But here’s what I want you to know:
- It’s okay to find yourself in a moment where the sorrow isn’t as intense. In fact, it’s healthy.
- Grief and joy can co-exist at the same time.
- Your pet would want you to experience moments of lightness again.
So if you’re reading this, please know:
You have full permission to smile, to rest, to distract, to live—and still honor your emotions and your loss.
4. I threw the word “should” out the window.
After Squiggles died, I made it a point to take extra good care of myself.
Because when you lose a pet, your daily routine is completely disrupted. Activities that normally help you relax, like taking a walk or watching TV may not nourish you in the same way. Especially when your greatest source of comfort is no longer around to do those things with you.
Some days, a good work out is what you might need to feel a little better. Other days, you may not be able to get out of bed.
That’s okay.
When your grieving, especially in those first weeks and months, throw any “shoulds,” out the window.
Here are some examples:
“Shouldn’t I feel better by now?”
“I should get a new pet soon.”
“I should donate my pet’s leftover food.”
Whenever you notice yourself saying, “I should…” replace it with “would like” to see if it is something you do, in fact, want.
And if you don’t know where to turn to practice some self-care right now, download my free guide, Self-Care After Losing Your Soul-Mate-Pet.
5. I practiced radical self-compassion.
Grief is hard work! It’s draining and it’s painful. It’s perfectly okay to take breaks. And to even laugh again. To feel angry at the world. Or for sadness to rise out of nowhere.
The last thing you want to do while grieving is shame yourself for moving through the process “imperfectly.” Especially because there is no right or wrong or perfect way to grieve.
These are the 3 components of self-compassion, coined by Kristin Neff. Remember:
- Be kind to yourself.
- You are human going through a very human experience. You are not alone in how you feel.
- Practice mindfulness.
Self-compassion is a great practice to cultivate while grieving, but also in your day-to-day. And it’s a main value in my private healing hub and community for pet loss, The Furever Forest.
6. I took my time, and still do.
You might be wondering how much time you’re going to have to spend grieving your pet. Guess what? I am still wondering that too, over a year later!
And to be truthful – those first few weeks and months were the hardest. Hitting the 6-month mark was hard too. But things slowly started to improve after that. And believe me, I still have moments where I miss her desperately.
Even though there is no strict timeline for grief, I do think that having some information about what to expect can be helpful, so I want to share some findings from a study conducted back in 2019 on pet bereavement.
About 50% of participants in this study experienced “intense grief” for about 12-19 months after their pet died. And 25% of the participants experienced intense grief 2-6 years later, and another 25% experienced it for less than a year.
To make a long story short, “intense grief” after losing a pet can last anywhere from less than a year, to 6+ years or more.
And really, the amount of time it takes you to grieve may be influenced by past experiences of grief, current mental health conditions, and other life circumstances.
I find this ball and box analogy to be more helpful than any strict timeline. Because it demonstrates the reality of grief – that it isn’t linear.
And touches on the fact that you will likely spend the rest of your life grieving your pet. The pain may not be as constant or as intense as it is right now, but you will always miss them. That is normal. It’s how grief works.
Again, there is nothing wrong with you.
7. I connected with others who understood.
One of the more common experiences you might go through while grieving a pet is lack of validation and understanding from others. This includes friends, family members, and loved ones. Even people who knew your pet and were bonded with your pet may be coping with the loss differently, which can make you feel incredibly alone.
And guess what? Talking about your pet loss isn’t necessarily going to help. Especially if you’re talking to someone who minimizes how you feel or doesn’t understand.
What does help you cope with pet loss is talking to someone who understands. Even more helpful is if they are going through it themselves.
M private community, The Furever Forest, offers a space where you don’t have to explain why you feel the way you do. We all get it. Plus it’s a healing hub filled with pet-grief related resources, live events and workshops, and a soft space to land on your hardest days.
If you’re lost about what your life is supposed to look like without your soulmate pet by your side and have no one in your life who understands that, I encourage you to join us.
8. I continue to honor Squiggles, over and over again.
When you lose a soulmate pet, the world expects you to do a few things: pick up their remains, maybe hold a small ceremony, share a tribute online… and then move on.
But that never felt like enough for me.
One post, one ceremony – how could that possibly contain all the love I had for Squiggles?
I needed to keep honoring her. Not just once, but continuously.
And by “honoring,” I don’t mean anything elaborate. I mean remembering. Talking about her. Feeling her spirit close by. Keeping her present in my daily life.
Over time, I’ve found many ways to do that:
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I created illustrations for the book I wrote about her, It’s All The Same Forest.
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I wrote and shared my story on my blog.
- I started a Substack, Paws & Reflect, about pet grief
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And now, the most powerful way I honor her is through The Furever Forest healing hub and pet loss community I created.
Every time I show up for someone else’s grief, I feel Squiggles right there with me.
That’s what The Furever Forest has become—a place where her spirit lives on. And where all of our soulmate pets’ spirits live on. Where members can honor their pets every single day, in their own unique, beautiful ways.
I never imagined I’d do something like this. Honestly, I think Squiggles might be up there orchestrating the whole thing.
This community is a way for me to keep loving her—by spreading that love outward.
If you join us, I hope you’ll find your own way to keep honoring your pet, too.
Not just in one post or one moment, but in a way that lasts, furever.
9. I made friends with my grief.
In Jungian Psychology, there is a concept called “Embracing The Shadow,” where you open yourself up to the parts of yourself that you don’t like or you feel ashamed of. Because when you do, you start to feel more grounded and whole.
This concept works well with grief too.
Because at first, grief is terrifying to think about. For me, it’s like a black void of pain and sorrow. I don’t want to get near it, let alone touch it. And become friends with it!? Heck no!
But if you start by letting yourself get a little closer, you might get a glimpse of the beauty that is also mingling with the darkness and sorrow. And you’ll see that the pain you feel is so intense because it mirrors the intensity of the love you have for your pet.
When you’re ready, invite your grief in. It doesn’t have to stay every day, forever. I like to think about having it over for a cup of tea, then letting it go on its way.
10. I keep helpful mantras in my back pocket.
When it comes to pet loss, I find these 2 concepts most helpful for me.
“Grief is simply love in another form.”
“The way I feel will not last forever.”
And for anyone who is feeling guilty after the loss of your pet, try:
“I made the best choice that I could with the information I had at the time.”
If you have a quote or an idea that has resonated or helped you while grieving, keep it close. Turn to it when you need it.
And if you’re looking for mantras, hope, inspiration, you’ll find all of that and more in my community, The Furever Forest. We have a 14-day refund policy. So if you join and decide it’s not your thing, let us know within 14 days and you’ll be refunded. No hard feelings at all.
I hope you found some of the insights about pet grief in this article helpful. If so, please share it with anyone else you think might benefit.
I invite you to like this post below, and leave a comment with your pet’s name, and a special memory you shared with them.
Related Categories: Losing A Pet, When You're Sad
13 Responses
May I just say thank you for two things you have said in two articles.
In your article “Losing a pet after 15+ years” you said “the grief is so painful because it’s the unexpressed love you still have”.
In this article you say “Grief is simply love in another form”.
I had my wonderful dog Filou put to sleep yesterday as a kindness to her and as my way of returning the unconditional love she had given me. I promised her I would let her go when the time was right for her, not me, as the time would never be right for me.
Today I have been trying to work out why despite the pain, I don’t want it to go away, I just want to know how to cope with it. In a sense I wanted to fully understand what this sense of grief was all about as, when in extreme pain, all I can feel is this overwhelming love for Filou. I now get it and understand its worth and in an almost masochistic way understand now why it is so intense and that simply crying is insufficient, but wailing as well helps to release the pain. Yes, I loved my dog beyond words and always knew it. I consider myself the luckiest person alive to have had her in my life and to have been able to recognise, from very early on, how special she was to me. Thi si snot a case of realising too late – I always knew there was going to be a very heavy price to pay for having a dog as your only companion and best friend and being content with that. I needed no more out of life as she never allowed me to feel lonely or alone, simply by always being there by my side – I was fortunate to work from home so we were seldom apart, though we would each ‘do our own thing’ in the house or outside.
You asked me to share an anecdote, and this was the most humbling experience of my life. I live in France and a year ago, for the first time in 15 years, I was due to go back to the UK. It was impractical to take Filou, which meant our first time apart in eleven years. I walked her across town to a lady and gentleman who had a couple of dogs themselves and who Filou was going to stay with. Seeing that the dogs got on fine, I was quite happy and I walked back home, which was a good forty minute walk. Bear in mind We had never walked along these streets before and the journey also involved crossing a long bridge.
Anyway, the next morning at 6. a.m. when it was dark, I locked up the house and opened the front Gate, ready to set off for the UK, only to be rather enthusiastically greeted by Filou who had been sat there patiently waiting for me to open the gate. I have no idea how long she had been there as she had not announced her arrival, and the people where she was staying were even more shocked when I phoned them. Seems the only way she could have escaped was by climbing up onto the outhouse roof and leaping over the fence, which was six-foot high! I am still amazed that she managed to find her way home across totally unfamiliar territory and I can only assume that as she came back in the dark, is he had a ‘smell map’ of the route. Anyway, to find your dog loves you that much they are that desperate to be with you is just the biggest gift you could ever be given. Needless to say the holiday was cancelled and I discovered a love for my dog that was even more profound.
First and foremost, I am SO sorry for the loss of your beloved Filou. <3 My heart breaks for your during this extremely difficult time of grief. I understand everything you're saying - I too, didn't want to be happy. Or cheered. I wanted to be in my truth, which was a broken heart that my Squiggles was gone. I loved reading your anecdote about Filou returning to your home - nothing in this world can compare to the loyalty and love of a soulmate pet. <3 (PS - I was just in France. It's one of my favorite countries to visit!). Thank you for leaving a comment. Sending you hugs as you grieve your beloved Filou.
I’ve been reading through your blog for the last few days, thank you for posting. I lost my baby 3 weeks ago and I’m still completely devastated. Yesterday was the first time I finally did chores, its been difficult every day doing small tasks. I’ve found some comfort in your posts.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You’re welcome to join our facebook group if you want more support. I’ll link it here. I know how hard it is – especially in those first few weeks. Sending you big hugs as you grieve your baby. <3
I’m very sorry for your loss of Squiggles. I just said goodbye to my best friend Micky today and I am devastated. We had 17.5 wonderful years together and I feel like a part of me has been ripped away never to return. I knew this day would come but I wish it didn’t have to be today. We have many wonderful experiences together through the years, however.
I remember the first time I held him in my arms, and how he fit so nicely into them, he always seemed like he was made for me to carry, even though he was on the bigger size for his mix.
We had many amazing adventures, him, I and then with my husband. We travelled and moved all across Canada together, from Vancouver to Montreal. He went all the way down to San Francisco. A very well travelled pup and he was so chill the entire time.
He’d give me kisses when I cried, tried to taste the wine from my mouth. One time in the mountains, myself a little tipsy I took him down to the edge of the lake and we laid there for what seemed like an eternity, looking up at the stars. I talked to him and asked him if he was from another planet and when we would “go home” together. I guess today he went home. I hope he some day comes back for me, because I can’t imagine spending an eternity never seeing him again.
Megan, I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Micky. Saying goodbye to a pet that has been a part of your life for so long is earth-shattering. I understand that feeling – of knowing the day will come but never being ready for it. The memories you have with Micky are so beautiful and touching – thank you for sharing them here. If you’re looking for more support, I invite you to join our Facebook community of bereaved pet owners. No pressure of course. For what it’s worth, I 10000% believe that we will be reunited with our soul pets once again. It’s just so hard to be without them in the meantime. Sending you big hugs as you grieve. <3
Oh Megan – I so relate to how you are feeling. I lost my 17.5 year old dog Ollie three days ago. I had Ollie for 11.5 years and he was most definitely my soul dog. My heart and soul best friend. I too am in Canada. Ollie wasn’t a fan of the car so we didn’t travel around together. But we were glued at the hip regardless and I spent every single minute I could with him. I am such a mess right now – it is indescribable. The pain is excruciating. But having been through it before with my cat and first dog – I thankfully know this will fade. But it can never fade fast enough. And there is a part of me that doesn’t want it to fade cause then I fear losing him all over again. I think the intensity of his loss stems from the fact that I had to nurse him during his decline in the past 8 months. It made our relationship so much deeper and profound. I wish I could hold him just one more time, Breathe in his scent. Look into his beautiful eyes.
I had to put my best friend Lexie to sleep yesterday after the best 15 years of my life. To say i am heartbroken doesnt even cut it. I cant stop crying and miss her so much. I just want her to come home. She was given to me at 8 weeks old and sat in the palm of my hand, looking up at me with those little puppy doggy eyes, which i saw in her when i had to say goodbye as she went to sleep. Im trying to find a little peace and comfort and reading your story, has made me feel like im not the only one who feels like they have lost their right arm and their world has just ended. We had the best 15 years together and shared the most amazing times, i honestly dont know how i can get through losing my best friend. Im trying to think that she is no longer in pain and that she can now sleep peacefully, but this is not taking away the pain i feel right now. To all of you out there that has lost your best friend, god bless you and i hope you are/will be a peace.
I’m so very sorry to hear about your beloved Lexie. It takes a while for your brain to adjust to reality, and it’s extremely painful. I’m sending you big hugs and prayers for peace during this time of grief. <3
I’m very glad I found your page. I lost my soul-cat a few months back through a breakup, thought I was finally getting over it, only to have a dream about her last night and woke up this morning so riddled with anxiety from the grief that I couldn’t even function and had to call out of work. I thought I was going crazy. I’ve never had a bond with an animal like this and didn’t know it would be so difficult to be without her. No one else seems to really understand. Thank you for providing reassurance, though I am very sorry for your loss of Squiggles. While it’s incredibly painful, thank you for harnessing the pain and turning it into something beautiful- a connection amongst people going through the same thing! Much, much, MUCH appreciated.
I’m glad you found the site too. I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re not going crazy – losing a pet is awful, especially one you had a very special bond with. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a day from work when the grief feels too heavy. It’s important to take extra care of yourself. <3 Sending prayers for peace your way.
I had to let my beautiful little soulmate go 3 days ago, he was 6 days short of his 18th birthday.
For almost 18 years my jack russell and I lived alone together in this house, I have no family or friends, absolutely no one. The pain is unbearable, the house is so cold and bleak without him, he was my only company for all of those years, he was all I needed.
I wish I could go with him, I don’t have a life without him, I don’t want to live without him, it is pointless, meaningless, he was my whole life, nothing else mattered as long as I had him.
He slept in my arms in my bed all those years, I feel suicidal, cannot eat, sleep, I just want to die to be with him.
I had him for so long almost 18 years, I got him at 10 weeks old
I’m so very sorry to hear about your loss. Many people, in those first few days and weeks feel like they don’t want to go on without their pets. This site is not a crisis service, but please, if you’re feeling suicidal, reach out to help in your area. If you’re in the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com. I promise, things can and will get better.